Finding Norfolk

I lived in the Midlands. Life had turned to complete and utter shit, and I wanted to die. I had to escape. I was fortunate enough at the time, to have the money to be able to move pretty much anywhere, but I had to work out what the future would be like when that money ran out. 

As such, I literally scoured the country for the place I wanted to be my new home. For every house I looked at I checked the local council's Housing Benefit Allowance, Council Tax rates, internet availability, etc, and made various calculations.

I was looking to be as far away from people as possible. I wanted to be isolated. Not just for my mental health, but also because I have cats, and wanted them to be safe to roam away from home. I love the countryside. In my ideal world, I could happily live alone in the middle of nowhere, just me, the cats, and the Internet. I pictured a cottage off up a beaten path somewhere, trees to one side, farmland to the other, safe to have the front door open, with my beautiful Nissan Figaro parked in the drive. (I don't have one, but I will one day)!

I looked all along the south coast, from Rye in the East, all the way to Branscomb in the West; Somerset, throughout the Salisbury Plain, and New Forest areas. I saw a lot of beautiful properties. I love houses, I love driving, and I love seeing the countryside, so whilst it was totally exhausting, I had a very interesting few weeks.

Whilst it was interesting though, it was also very frustrating. I kept encountering the same problems;

• no pets allowed
• no DSS (I was being honest when explaining my financial situation)
• not having a job lined up for when I moved there

It is incredibly difficult to rent a property if you are out of work due to illness. Even when you're guaranteed Housing Allowance landlords still see anyone on benefits as being unreliable. Well, maybe not every landlord, but most Letting Agents have a blanket policy of not allowing "DSS". 

It was particularly annoying, because a lot of the time the agents just wanted to get someone through the door of a property before they told me of the restrictions, even when I'd already told them I had pets. So I was driving miles and miles, for properties I couldn't have had anyway.

By the time I looked at Norfolk I was at the end of my tether. I decided to be economical with the truth. A lot of people had told me to outright lie, but I don't like dishonesty. So when asked about pets I only mentioned the cats. When asked about work I openly told them that as I'd be new to the area I wouldn't have a job, and would need to start looking as soon as I got there. In actuality I didn't expect my health to become good enough to work, so had calculated whether I'd be able to afford living there on PIP and ESA.

It is a particular bug bear of mine that rentals nearly always say "no DSS". The Department of Social Security (DSS) doesn't even exist anymore, much less "the dole". It hasn't existed since the early 90s. It annoys me that they can't be bothered to update their terminology to the DWP (Department for Work and Pensions), but they expect the younger generation to know what they mean by DSS.

The house I found wasn't quite how I'd pictured things. It was a lot more modern than I'd imagined, and bigger. It was on an old airbase, so nowhere near as isolated as I'd hoped. However, because it wasn't a traditional village, there was an interesting old fashioned community feel to it. Plus, being an airbase it didn't have main roads, so the chance of splatted cats was very much reduced. The house was in a far corner of the base, so the cats could run out the back and into the fields and old base buildings nearby. They absolutely loved it there.

And for me, it was like moving into a completely new life. I could breathe again. 

Surrounded by countryside. I'd not seen so many wild animals, or even birds, for years. People walking dogs was a novelty; something I didn't know I'd missed seeing, since my childhood. I wondered at seeing hares, deer, jays, even sparrows. I'm still wondering, a bit, whether this is actually the afterlife. The amount of spiders everywhere, though, would suggest not.

So, I found Norfolk, and I found the beginning of my path to finding wellness.

Introductory Letter to Readers

Hi there,

So, I'm supposed to be creating a mental health blog. I've been trying to motivate myself to make a start on it for a few weeks, but I keep being blocked. The Blob Meister pointed out to me that this was rather ironic; my mental health preventing me from helping my mental health.

The best I can do for now really, is give you a quick intro to myself, and things you might encounter in my blog that are confusing. I'm keeping the blog fairly anonymous, so that I can be free in what I write. Those who know the nicknames I use for people will recognise them in the blog.

So, I am Olana, or Llama.

Blob = The person with whom I live. Lovely fella, gives way too much of himself in looking after me me. Totally messed around by his ex wife, regarding visitations with his kiddies.  

Trouble = One of the few Norfolk friends I have. Used to live next door to her and her husband.

Sister Features = My younger sister. She lives in London, with her partner, and two children. She has MS, and also has troubled mental health.

I moved to Norfolk in 2016, because my life had got to a point whereby if I didn't remove myself from everyone and everything I knew, I was at a very real risk of committing suicide. There is a mix of circumstances that created this situation, that I'll blog individually another time.

My background is that I grew up in Sussex, in a "broken family" at a time when it was not common, and poorly understood. My sister and I were bullied badly by our step mother. I escaped to university, but pretty much messed that up due to not understanding that I had depression, anxiety, and PTSD. 

I became ill with M.E. (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) a year after I finished university. I then developed Fibromyalgia in 2010, at which time I was also diagnosed as having Hypermobility Syndrome. 

So basically, I'm chronically ill, with chronic fatigue, chronic pain, chronic head mess, and a plethora of other symptoms that come and go at the whim of M.E. and FM. It's a joy to be alive!

I was married in 2006, to a man I'd been with for 4 years. We divorced another 4 years later. I tend to forget that I was ever married, to be honest.

I spent another 5 years with a wonderful man, whom I miss terribly. My mental health ruined that relationship.

And thus I moved to Norfolk.

You'll learn more about me as I post in the future. Or in a minute!

Thank you for sparing the time to be here.

Olana xx