Three of them came in a few days ago. Supposedly newborn, but their mum had been scared away. So, the first afternoon they were tucked up with me while I fed them every couple of hours. They were then introduced to one of the mum's who had older kittens so that they could feed naturally. She took them on beautifully.
However, the following day, for some reason, one of the staff decided to split the 3 babies between the two nursing mum's. So the first mum was confused and looking for two kittens she'd been looking after, whilst in the second nest the older kittens were very roughly pushing the little ones out of the way. Both adult cats were (and still are) excellent foster mum's.
Today though, when I went in this morning, the mum of the rougher kittens had moved the entire litter out of the nest and into the litter tray. She looked terrified. Something had clearly spooked her. I put the babies back in the nest; she inspected each one and seemed relieved that they were ok and settled down with them.
I had put the two little ones in my lap for their hand feeding. I noticed that the female was kind of listless. I fed the boy first, then turned my attention to her. As I stroked her she came to and I fed her a little. I gave her back to the mother, and put myself back to bed. (First feed is about 5am).
I had a text just after 8am, asking me to go to the cattery. Thoughts running through my head, was the little girl dead, had I not locked up right, I couldn't think. They just said to me that they thought something wasn't right with her. I went to check and again she was listless, but this time when I touched her she screamed.
She just kept screaming. At first I assumed she was constipated, so I spent a few hours trying to get her to pooh. Tummy massage, back massage, stimulation obviously, a tiny bit of oil, watered down feed, gently drumming my fingers down her back. She was falling asleep every ten minutes or so, and when asleep she was clearly dreaming about feeding.
I spoke to two vets and read as much as I could online. I don't understand what happened, but all I can think is that she either inhaled a little of the milk last night, or swallowed an air bubble. It could be neither, but I can't think of anything else.
She died. I had a nap this afternoon, and when I went back to check on her she'd already passed away. Still warm, but CPR did nothing for her.
Her foster mummy cat was distraught. She kept calling her. Poor mum had already lost one of her own litter last week.
And me. I cried as if this tiny soul was one of my own. I cried for Seth, and Mitten, and Rufus, and this little girl, all in one go.
That is to say that I'm still crying, but it's more of a weep now. The cry from the pain of having my heart wrenched out has passed for now. It'll return.
And this evening I kind of started to understand how people bond to their babies. I have no maternal instinct whatsoever. Human babies freak me out. But a few days looking after this little mite, and she had me completely invested.
The really weird thing is that each time I hand rear kittens my boobs get big. When I took on these babies I even had a weird mid cycle bleed. So maybe I'm just naturally attuned to the pheromones from baby animals, or even just kittens, rather than human babies.
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