Égoïsme Positif

We generally think of selfishness as being a bad thing. Today I've been selfish, but I don't think it's necessarily bad. There are things I need to get done, such as writing the PIP document (which would trigger anxiety), putting all my clothes away (which I know would exhaust me), etc; but I chose instead to play with make-up.

I feel guilty doing something like this, for several reasons. Firstly, the aforementioned things that I feel I should be doing. I'm the only person judging me on those though. Secondly, because on the days when I can use the brushes and things required to do make-up, I feel that I shouldn't, because I have this paranoia from years of dealing with the DWP that they'll somehow find out I put make-up on for the first time this year, and assume I can do it all the time. Thirdly, I feel that at my age it's weird to enjoy playing with make-up. I grew up with two of my four parents using the phrase "mutton dressed as lamb" quite a lot - so I feel that anyone who sees me wearing make-up will judge me that way; though the only people who actually saw it were a couple of friends to whom I sent pictures.

Anyway.... I think it's important to sometimes do things like this. Putting make up on, even if it doesn't work out the way you wanted, is a way of boosting your confidence, and showing yourself self value. I don't do it enough. This is the first time I've put make-up on this year. I tend to leave it too long between hair colourings. Self care such as bathing, looking after myself, etc, I find extremely challenging. (That's partly why I'm so overweight). So, I feel that today I made a small step in the right direction. It would be nice to get back to doing this sort of thing more regularly.