Secondly, I'm pretty sure yesterday's "up" was hormonal, because today I've been so far down that I've seriously been thinking about "the worst" all day. I know how I'd do it, it's too easy, and today I've honestly wanted to go sit in the grass at the end of the garden and say goodbye.
My mind was behaving in a pretty manic erratic way last night. My thoughts were all over the place, skipping and jumping. This happens sometimes. I'm not entirely sure why. I've not even made any medication mistakes recently, either.
So, ummm, today. I can't remember when I woke, etc, this morning. The first thing I really remember was going to spend an hour or so with Mixson and Button before they went to their new home. Very sweetly, Mixson just wanted to sit it my lap. I hope he'll be as happy sitting in the laps of his new humans. Button, on the other hand, wanted to run around like a maniac, attacking her brother as much as possible. I've a feeling that Mixson could sense either that I wasn't feeling right in myself, or that he had change coming. He was off his food last night, too. I've told them both that if life doesn't work out in their new home, they're to come back to me. I have to trust the universe that all will be good for them now.
So, I experienced with them, loss, regret, sadness, love, pride, amusement, and concern. And now I'm crying again.
The rest of the day I've basically spent in the garden room, dozing, playing GTA, and watching something new on Netflix. Katla, I think it's called.
I've been drifting through sadness, suicidal, hopelessness, fatigue, melancholy, interest, frustration.
Maybe these two days are my psychological reaction to such intense frustration, upset, and anger on Wednesday.
Anyway, Blob thinks I should write Button and Mixson a letter. I might. We'll see.
Bye-bye my babies 💜💜
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